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This site includes information for anyone who survived a pathologically narcissistic parent. There are articles, links and a discussion forum that includes a live chat room.
Before sharing in this or any discussion forum about surviving abuse by Narcissists, it is wise to protect your anonymity and to be careful about revealing too much about your offline life online in a recovery group. The mental health field, whether online or offline, can attract unwell people, who may be abusive. There are suggested guidelines for protecting oneself online as well as netiquette guidelines for sharing in the discussion forum here:
Web savvy in protecting oneself
Netiquette guidelines for sharing in the discussion forums
To get an idea about what is pathological narcissism, there are a number of useful and informative sites:
Sam Vaknin's main site
Femfree's NPD site
Femfree's Psychopath site
Personality disorder basics
Symptoms of disorders basics
Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder basics
Mood disorder basics
More disorder basics
Examples of N parenting in movies and fiction
Image of an enmeshment between a son and his Nfather
Recovery resources, recommended reading and links:
Divorcing a parent
Toxic parents
Dysfunctional family roles
There are a number of Nparent types or combinations: The Cerebral N, The Somatic N, the Anti-Social Personality Disordered N, the Schizoid N, the destructive Borderline Personality disordered N, the more malignant end on the contiunuum of Anti-social Personality disordered N, the Psychopathic N.
Nmothers typically may fall into a number of styles, such as"MoMster", Cruella,"sMother" or "Inverted N".
Nfathers may be violent, abandoning or "Inverted N".
Nparents may have addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn or any number of destructive behaviors.
Nparents may have pathological Nism that is co-morbid with other personality disorders, or mental/emotional illness, such as Borderline Personality Disorder traits, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Disorder.
Nparents may be pedophilic and sexually abuse their child or children.
Because Nparents create wedges in families in order to get all the attention focused onto the N, the family is likely to suffer from many divisions and factions, which causes stress between all the members of the family, especially siblings, who usually fall into one or another role, such as those described in adult children of alcoholics.
In the family system the feuds and factions created by the Nparent may cross generations and marriages.
There may be Nstep-fathers, Nstep-mothers, Nadoptive parents or Ngrandparents.
Because a child is imprinted by the parental dictates and injunctions of their parent, a child of an Nparent grows up unconsciously seeking to heal the old relationship with their parent and gravitates towards creating the emotional environment of their childhood in love, social, spiritual, friendship and career situations in adulthood. All ACONs will have relationships with other Ns in their adulthood and for this there are a number of recovery resources such as:
Femfree's groups about relationships with Ns and Psychopaths
Information about the repetition compulsion
Life scripts
Betrayal bonding
Cult information
The types of abuse that Nparents may commit can include topics such as the following:
Turning a child into Narcissistic Supply instead of loving them
Confusing the child with the Nparent's idealize-and-devalue cycle and needs for Primary and Secondary Narcissistic Supply.
Using their child for the Nparent's grandiosity needs
Using their child for the Nparent's scapegoating needs
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Bullying
Projective identification (psychoanalytical glossary here)
Extractive introjection
Not protecting the child when domestic abuse of a child creates a child chronically victimised
Isolating children
Perverse cultic religiosity
Mind control
Relentless perfectionism
Violence
Inappropriate exposure to a variety of things
Co-opting their child's life, achievements, talents, interests or
committing life-story theft
Sock-puppeting the child
Malicious and dangerous neglect
Reckless endangerment
Creating a hostage environment at home
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy
There are many issues connected with surviving an Nparent. Some of those issues are listed below with a variety of articles, links and recovery tools for support and research. The impact of the N abuse on a child has many repercussions which may include:
PTSD
Feeling voiceless
Suppression of many feelings to accommodate the raging-shaming-blaming of the Nparent which may result in the child of an N not being able to feel safe or permitted to express their anger, grief, sadness, fear or other emotions
Chronic low-grade or clinical depression, which may vary in seriousness from mild melancholy to total paralysis and may have an emphasis in anxiety, sadness or both
Panic attacks
Abandonment depression
Unhealing grief
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or traits
Self-mutilation, self-cutting
Self-hair-pulling
Pica
Eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia and obesity
Living in a messy environment
Not maintaining personal hygiene
Isolating
Feeling uncomfortable without dramarama
Attempting to self-medicate for depression or PTSD with other self-destructive habits
Boundary issues
Dependency issues
Co-dependency issues
Repeated relationships with emotional or physical abusers
Obsessing
Compulsivity
Migraines
Emotional and social issues connected with PTSD:
Eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia and obesity
Addictions to alcohol and/or drugs:
12-step recovery process links and articles
OCD
Deprivation issues and/or deprivation addiction
Needing to detox from years of psychological/emotional/spiritual/physical abuse
Splitting and dissociation
Self-destructive habits such as self-mutilation
Self hair-pulling
Not knowing how to feel emotions in healthy ways: anger, sadness, grieving
Mood swings
Promiscuity
Reactive Borderline Personality disorder traits
Feeling like their meaning in life is to be their Nparent's container
Feeling F.O.G. -fear-obligation-guilt as a continuous state
Abandonment issues
Stockholm Syndrome
Links and information about:
Trauma and recovery
PTSD
Anxiety
Abandonment recovery
Grief recovery
Physical issues associated with PTSD:
Fibromyalgia
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Immune system deficiency
Cancer
Gastro-intestinal issues
Nparents may create strife or rifts in their children's marriages and attempt to get custody of their grandchildren or to get back the attention of their child away from their spouse. They create legal issues in divorces with child custody issues.
Attorney and legal database
Restraining order info
Legal issues in connection with wills and estates or inheritances or abuse beyond the grave:
Probate law links and information
Boundaries:
Setting boundaries physically, socially, emotionally and mentally
Stalking issues
Types of therapy that may be useful to those who have survived an Nparent:
Database of recommended books
Links online
Essays and articles by a variety of psychologists
Useful psychological concepts that may be supportive, validating or informative to an ACON:
Related links:
Song lyrics
After detaching from the Nparent, issues that may arise in having one's own life:
Self-fulfillment
Paralysis
Procrastination
Fear of success
Fear of making mistakes
Difficulty being in one's own skin
Changing the life script imposed by the Nparent
Working on healthy intimacy
Editing one's address book of abusive relationships of all kinds
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